Zihuatanejo

My "April Fool's CD Swap" mix:

2010-06-16T10:59:00.005-04:00

So, for the last several years, some folks from high school have organized and carried out a fairly sizable mix CD swap amongst themselves and some of their respective college buddies. This year, I finally decided to throw my hat into the ring. The final count was 27, which meant that every contributor would receive an eclectic package containing 26 unique musical experiences. And yes, I know it's way past April (April 1st was when all the CDs were supposed to be collected at the central person's place), but there were apparently several technical difficulties, and people were late with their mixes. So... here we are... and I think by now, everyone has gotten their CDs, so I thought I'd give mine a write-up.

I had abstained previously, knowing that my love for metal would likely fall on unwelcoming ears. But after my buddy Pat's moderate success with his last year's "The Music You Should Have Been Listening To" (or something like that) mix last year -- a showcase of classic heavy metal -- I figured the participants could stand another dose of metal. However, this time I'd bring them into slightly less familiar waters. I titled it "Some of the Best Metal You've (Probably) Never Heard."

I printed up a simple insert to go with each CD and included a disclaimer, of sorts:

"So, I felt this mix CD deserved a bit of a primer, given the chosen theme. In this day and age metal is quite the niche genre, so it’s probable that many of you are unfamiliar with it, apart from some of the biggest bands in the scene; i.e. Black Sabbath, Metallica, Slayer and the like. While I love these heavy-weights, there is a slue of amazing lesser-known bands out there fully deserving of recognition. With this mix, I tried to choose tracks from artists that many people have likely never heard of, but are some of the best in their class. I’ve also tried to select a fairly broad range of subgenres (thrash, power, melodic-death, sludge, doom, etc...) to give you, the listeners a taste of the different sounds and styles beneath the larger umbrella that is metal.

If you happen to be a metal fan, stop reading now and throw this disc into your stereo and crank it up! However, if you’re a newcomer and are feeling cautious, I implore you to give each track a full listen-through and try to appreciate these artists’ musicianship. By nature, metal is a powerful genre, and could be considered “aggressive” or “harsh,” but I believe there is enough variation in this mix that you shouldn’t be pummeled by relentless screaming. Good luck, and have fun. I would be thrilled if you all could find at least one band that sparks your interest. If nothing else, it was hopefully a learning experience."

I'm pretty proud of the track-list (even if there are some repeats from my "Metal Health" compilation). Click links for videos/samples:

"She's Gone Critical" - Bang Camaro (MA, USA -- 2008)
"Mercury Shadow" - Soilwork (Sweden -- 2002)
"Nothing Defeats the Skull" - Rumpelstiltskin Grinder (PA, USA -- 2009)
"Living Under Ice" - Hibria (Brazil -- 2005)
"Septic Detonation" - Municipal Waste (USA -- 2007)
"Noxious Utopia" - Abstract Rapture (Luxembourg -- 2008)
"No Remains" - Pharaoh (England -- 2008)
"Rounds of Rum" - Swashbuckle (NJ, USA -- 2009)
"Thank You, Pain." - The Agonist (Canada -- 2009)
"Rip Van Winkle" - Witch (VT, USA -- 2006)
"Asator" - Amon Amarth (Sweden -- 2006)
"How Heavy This Axe" - The Sword (TX, USA -- 2008)
"Backbone" - Gojira (France -- 2005)
"Electro-Violence" - Overkill (NJ, USA -- 1987)
"Ghost Prototype I (Measurement of Thought)" - Scar Symmetry (Sweden -- 2008)
"Blood on My Hands" - Demons & Wizards (Germany/FL, USA -- 2000)
"Shoulder to the Plow" - Breaking Wheel (MA, USA -- 2008)
"Bloodmeat" - Protest the Hero (Canada -- 2008)
"Transcendence" - Sylosis (England -- 2008)
"Deathonomics" - Revocation (MA, USA -- 2009)
"O' Appalachia" - Baroness (FL, USA -- 2007)

Random Quotations...

2009-12-08T13:43:00.001-05:00

So, in order to clean up my Facebook page a bit, I've decided to move my ever increasing list of favorite quotations to a more manageable place... my blog! You know, the thing only maybe 5 people have ever read :( -- Anyway, without further adieu:

"Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armor yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you."
     - Tyrion Lannister ("ASoIaF" - George R.R. Martin)

"It can't rain all the time."
     - Eric Draven (The Crow)

"...hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies."
     - Andy Dufresne (The Shawshank Redemption)
"It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt."
     - Mark Twain/Abraham Lincoln

"Even the strongest steel must go through fire."
     - (fortune cookie)

"A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it."
     - Albert Einstein

"Orthodoxy means not thinking -- not needing to think. Orthodoxy is unconsciousness."
     - Syme ("1984" - George Orwell)

"The infliction of cruelty with a good conscience is a delight to moralists — that is why they invented hell."
     - Bertrand Russell

"...it is better to suffer for eternity at the hands of some demon than to carry out the evil designs of [a] hateful Bronze Age deity."
     - Mavaddat (some Blog commenter)

"Faith does not give answers. It only prevents questioning."
     - The Brazilian Association of Atheists and Agnostics

"I like my women like I like my coffee. In a plastic cup."
     - Eddie Izzard

"...to believe in something just because you're afraid of the consequences if you don't believe in something is no reason to believe in something."
     - Gerald Broflovski (South Park)

"I think at some point, some sort of scientist sent me out to space in a time machine and created some spectacular device to put inside my head and I just don't have the manual."
     - Marilyn Manson

"The three most dangerous things in the world are a programmer with a soldering iron, a hardware type with a program patch and a user with an idea."
     - Rick Cook

"People go to church for the same reasons they go to a tavern: to stupefy themselves, to forget their misery, to imagine themselves, for a few minutes anyway, free and happy."
     - Mikhail Aleksandrovich Bakunin

"Science is the outcome of being prepared to live without certainty and therefore a mark of maturity. It embraces doubt and loose ends."
     - AC Grayling

New England's Rock/Metal Scene: An Amazing yet Tragic Sideshow

2009-12-03T11:22:00.007-05:00

It seems I'm always terribly behind on writing about the rare instances when I actually do something interesting, but 'tis my curse, I suppose. Anyway -- a couple of weeks ago, my buddy, Other Brian (O.B. -- previously from Hometown, NH but has now, also become a Masshole) invited me to a show out in Worcester. Apparently O.B.'s band had played with these guys known as Stonewall (originating from north-western New Hampshire/southern Vermont) on several occasions, had become good friends with the band -- and wanted to check out their show at this club out there.

My agreement to tag along was somewhat hesitant since I had never heard of these guys and had already been invited to a metal show up near Hometown with some high school friends. And that show actually featured bands I was familiar with, not to mention that it's quite the haul from my place to Worcester. However, I wasn't gonna make O.B. go it alone and I was intrigued to hear some new tunes.

The venue was located inside a huge, old mill building that had been converted into a strip mall of sorts. Club Oasis (why? -- I dunno) was tucked away in the back of a small pool hall, which happened to neighbor "The Dance Ranch." Concerned? Slightly. Curious? Very. Anyway, we made a b-line to the john, where we happened upon a poster for the night's lineup. Holy shit! Brand New Sin is headlining?! Now I was psyched. I had only (very) casually followed this band for a number of years, but always liked what I heard. However, I had never gotten to see them live. Sweet.

Through the door to the club, there was a short, bearded, heavyset guy in a wheelchair collecting money (he could've been the identical twin of the guy who performs the same function at the Capital Grill in Concord, NH -- exact same description applies) and wants ten dollars. I'm the only one with cash, and barely enough to cover my er... cover, so out the door again, and across the street we go in search of an ATM. Cash in hand, we jaunt back to the club, where a guy -- who appeared to be the lovechild of Korn's Fieldy and Dez Fafara (DevilDriver) -- drew smiley faces on our hands in Sharpie. Yay, Worcester!

The small, dark club was adorned with black-light-reactive drawings and oddly placed mirrors. The "crowd" inside was fairly eclectic. The maybe two dozen attendees varied between the average mix of teens/twenty-somethings in black t-shirts (myself included), girls (who had no business wearing overly-tight clothing) wearing overly-tight clothing, some middle aged redneckish types holding beers and looking rather confused, a handful of cougars, and exactly one mohawk-sporting little person (dwarf? What's the P.C. term here?) tooling around the floor in an electric wheelchair. Yay, Worcester... again!

We located the guys from Stonewall, getting their gear ready to go onstage, and introductions were made. While we were hanging out with the band, the first act took the stage. I don't remember their name, but let's call them The Angry Brian Setzer Band. They dressed like lounge singers and played a crude concoction of punk-infused hard rock. Once Angry Brian Setzer left the stage, it was time for Stonewall to set up. O.B. and I helped them carry drums and amps and whatnot to the stage, and they began. Before the show, I had listened to a bit of their music on Myspace, and honestly wasn't too impressed. But damn, they tore it up live, more than making up for my previous skepticism. I would compare their sound to an amalgam of Clutch, Sasquatch with maybe even a hint of Sabbath thrown in... Regardless, they played a hell of a set.

The next band up was a self-proclaimed "power trio" -- Roadhorse. These guys weren't bad... but they tried a little too hard to emulate Motörhead. Roadhorse's lead singer also happened to be their drummer (which always gives the band a few extra "awesome points" in my book), but he apparently was a huge fan of Lemmy. He sported a ripped denim vest over none other than a Motörhead shirt... hell, he was even rocking the Lemmy facial hair, and desperately trying to match his voice. Not amazing, but not awful either.

O.B. had been talking to the guys from Stonewall and after Roadhorse broke down their set,asked me if I wanted to meet Brand New Sin. Hell yes! The lot of us made our way out the back of the club to the rear parking lot, where all the bands' vans and gear stood waiting. Roadhorse was out there, as well as a couple guys from bands yet to play, but most of Brand New Sin was not to be found; except for Chuck (bass). So, whatever... got to meet him, and that was pretty cool.

So, we hung out back with the bands while they smoked and whatnot, while also enjoying the spectacle of Stonewall's roadie getting obliterated (as in, too drunk to stand -- and was eventually even cut off by the bartenders)... good thing they had already loaded their gear into the van. While we were outside, we missed at least one act, Truman Highway (who are actually decent), but got a chance to talk to the guys once they had finished playing. After a while, we decided to go back inside, to catch Brand New Sin. However, there was still one more band on the roster: Fuel of War.

As it turned out, Mr. "Fieldy Fafara," himself was Fuel of War's lead singer. He was accompanied by a very adolescent looking rhythm guitarist and bassist, a middle-aged drummer, and last but not least... the little-mohawk dude on lead guitar! Strapped into his wheelchair, he was jamming out on a flying-V nearly as big as he was... but doing a hell of a job. Only in Worcester. Overall, the band wasn't bad -- but they lost some cred as "FieldyDez" botched the lyrics to their cover of "N.I.B."

When 12:30 rolled around, it was finally time for Brand New Sin to hit the stage. I was somewhat aghast at the lack of a crowd. There were maybe 12 people in the entire club. It was actually pretty sad. But, the full reality of the local rock scene tragedy was yet to hit me. The band brought their game, though. They played tight and sounded really good (albeit not playing "My World" -- apparently the new drummer wasn't up to the challenge -- I don't really know what that shit was about, but whatever).

As they neared the end of their set, Kris (lead guitar and as of just recently, vocals -- since the original singer's departure) made several comments, thanking us all for sticking around, and how the band needed a turnout of this size to keep their morale up. What? There was barely anyone left... but the implication was that they had been playing to even smaller crowds, as of late. Had the small time hard rock/metal scene really dwindled that much is recent years?

It truly saddened me to hear a national touring band express such despair. However, they seemed truly grateful that there were, at least, a handful of metal heads willing to make the drive for a small show. Kris stuck around at the end to shake hands and even personally invited the stragglers back to the band's hotel room to party (but neither O.B. or I felt up to staying out any later... it was pushing 2am)... a definite first for me.

The night was fun, overall... but was strangely eye opening. The local rock scene appears to be dwindling, even while the bands press on. As a (nearly) lifelong fan of all things hard rock and metal, this is frightening. Too many kids are getting sucked into the gleam of pop culture and its ever changing roster of fifteen-minute celebrities and, in turn, neglecting real music; the kind that feels and thinks and bleeds. The kind of music that is based on heart and soul, not on clothing lines and "bling." Frankly, I'm disgusted with my generation (and the next one) for being so goddamned superficial.

Before I get any preachier, I'll end this post with a plea. If you love music -- and by that I mean something with truth and integrity -- please go support local artists. Go to a show, buy a shirt, buy a CD... something. Let them know that you are out there; so they don't give up. While rock/metal has certainly gone underground, for the most part, I hope I never live long enough to truly see its death. However, if culture continues the way it seems to be, I fear that it will be unavoidable.

Future of Metal... Angry Chickens and Cartoon Characters?

2009-10-29T15:57:00.003-04:00

So, this past Tuesday night, my regular group of concert lurkers and I trekked into the city (Boston, in case you're wondering) to the *fairly* new House of Blues. I had been there once before, for Five Finger Death Punch, Otep and Shadows Fall, and was very pleased with the venue (albeit while possibly having my nose broken). Well, on this evening, we saw Dethklok, Mastodon, Converge and High on Fire.

At about 6:30, High on Fire hit the stage. I've been following this band for a while now, and have been consistently pleased with their work (also saw them open Gigantour 2008). From Oakland, California, High on Fire is fronted by Matt Pike, former Sleep guitarist. Appreciation of Pike's vocals is somewhat of an acquired taste (I'd compare his voice to a darker Lemmy [Motörhead], while at times approaching almost a Cam Pipes [3 Inches of Blood] style falsetto), but his guitar work is undeniably oozing with talent. The crowd was pretty docile throughout their entire set, as likely not too many on the east coast are familiar with them, but I enjoyed it.

Next up, was Converge. These guys hail from Salem, MA; so needless to say, they've got quite the following in/around Boston. I had heard a good deal about them, but not very much from them. However, what I had heard didn't impress me too much. They play a mix of super manic, kinda thrashy hardcore/metalcore (or something -- I'm not a huge stickler about sub-genres), peppered with bouts of shrieking. Recorded, they're tolerable... but live, they were (frankly) laughable. The band would seriously be improved tenfold with the omission of the front man (bass player handles backup vocals just fine, and just these would make for a nice, almost strictly instrumental band with just a bit of vocal work). Through a shitty microphone, whilst running and jumping frantically about the stage, it really sounded to me like most of the lyrics were random interjections of "BOCK, BOCK!!", as if a giant, enraged chicken were strutting around on stage.

It's my understanding (based on intertoobz research, and word of mouth testimony from a drunken, fellow concert goer) that Converge is a Christian and/or straight-edge band. In a previous post, I already expressed my distaste for Xian music, and especially that in the "metal" genre, so they lost double the credibility points from me with this. The final nail in the coffin would be their mosh pit. One of my largest complaints of metal shows from the past several years is the large influx of hardcore/hXc (or whatever the hell they're called) kids who feel the need to fist-windmill and/or practice their Taekwondo moves in the pit. It's uncalled-for, ridiculous, and makes you look like a douche bag.

Mosh pits (at least at metal shows) are about slamming into/pushing around each other. It's an agreed upon rule. End of story. Apparently no one has told this to any of the Converge fans. According to the metal blog, "Invisible Oranges", Converge supposedly ignites some of the most intense/violent mosh pits in the scene. I don't know about that, but it was certainly... nuts? Nearly everyone involved in their mosh pit fit the above description of a hXc douche bag -- arms swinging, legs flailing -- more trying to put on a show than actually mosh... wastes of space. Needless to say, I've basically written this band off... no more, thanks.

Mastodon took the stage next. I had read somewhere that for this tour, Mastodon opens their set with "Oblivion" and proceeds to play the entirety of their "Crack the Skye" album. This turned out to be the case. I was skeptical at first, but wow. Between the incredibly tight and emotional musicianship that this quartet (plus stand-by keyboardist) simply bled and the super-trippy light-show/video display, I was left very impressed. I had seen them live before, at Ozzfest, and not knowing much of their material was fairly indifferent. Now, after having become quite a fan of theirs, I was able to truly appreciate their talent. After showcasing the entirety of their new album, Mastodon did go on to play a handful of songs off of their earlier records. While they unfortunately didn't play "Colony of Birchmen," it was still one hell of a performance.

Finally, it was time for Dethklok. I really didn't know what to expect from these guys. The live version of Dethklok is a real world facsimile of the fictional band that the animated series, "Metalocalypse" is based upon. The three-dimensional version of the band is composed of the two members who actually record the music for the show: series creator Brendan Small (vocals, guitars, bass guitar, keyboards) on lead guitar and vocals and Gene Hoglan [Death, Testament, Opeth, Strapping Young Lad, etc.] on drums! Rounding out the touring band, they've also brought along bassist Bryan Beller [Steve Vai, Dweezil Zappa] and guitarist Mike Keneally [Frank Zappa].

For being a group of middle-aged guys playing songs from a cartoon series, they were incredibly entertaining. The band was relatively stationary, but since most people were either taking full advantage of the most legitimate pit of the night (Andy even joined us in there a couple of times -- not usually his thing) or watching the stunning animated music videos playing behind the band (interspersed with hilarious asides from "Dethklok" themselves), it didn't seem to matter too much.

Another highlight of the evening was the very cute, non-metal-head, obviously-dragged-to-the-show-by-her-friends, terrified-of-being-crushed-by-moshers girl who repeatedly hid behind me as I tried to keep my corner of the mosh pit from smashing into her. She was a little too drunk to be that deep in the crowd, and for me to try to get her number. But, she seemed to appreciate my concern.

All in all, a fun evening... and this time, no minor injuries.

"Washed your fins in blackened mud,
Now you swim, try to hide.
Heart beats faster from inside,
Thought it was a big charade,
Your life was ended by mermaids."

Metal Heath -- Expert

2009-09-10T13:42:00.008-04:00

Disc 1:

Goatwhore - "Provoking the Ritual of Death" (LA, USA)
iwrestledabearonce - "Tastes Like Kevin Bacon" (LA, USA)
Avulsed - "Filth Injected" (Spain)
Gorgoroth - "Procreating Satan" (Norway)
Between the Buried and Me - "The Primer" (NC, USA)
Deamon - "Born Again Dead" (Canada)
Beneath the Massacre - "No Future" (Canada)
Graves of Valor - "Sic Semper Tyrannis" (SC, USA)
Impaled - "Flesh & Blood" (CA, USA)
JesusMartyr - "Moonvalley" (Argentina)
Suicide Silence - "No Time to Bleed" (CA, USA)
Arsis - "Overthrown" (VA, USA)
Sylosis - "Blackest Skyline" (England)
Cyaegha - "Epiphany of R'lyeh" (VA, USA)
Benighted - "Smile Then Bleed" (France)
Kalmah - "They Will Return" (Finland)
Anaal Nathrakh - "So Be It" (England)
Psycroptic - "Alpha Breed" (Australia)
God Dethroned - "Drowning in Mud" (Netherlands)
Kill the Client - "Downfall" (TX, USA)
Behemoth - "Ov Fire and the Void" (Poland)
Nightrage - "Collision of Fate" (Greece)

Disc 2:

Droid - "Built to Last" (CA, USA)
Lair of the Minotaur - "The Ultimate Destroyer" (IL, USA)
Skeletonwitch - "Beyond the Permafrost" (OH, USA)
Meshuggah - "Obzen" (Sweden)
Waco Jesus - "Evil Force" (IL, USA)
Psyopus - "Whore Meet Liar" (NY, USA)
Drive-by Bukkake - "Casket Stench" (MA, USA)
Iron Age - "Dispossessed" (TX, USA)
The Amenta - "Vermin" (Australia)
Vomitory - "Serpents" (Sweden)
Suidakra - "Shattering Swords" (Germany)
Tardy Brothers - "Fates Call" (FL, USA)
Napalm Death - "On the Brink of Extinction" (England)
Absu - "In the Name of Auebothiabaithobeuee" (TX, USA)
The Abominable Iron Sloth - "Parasite Hilton and Other Flaws Inherent to Wealth" (CA/WA, USA)
The Year of Our Lord - "Dead to You" (MA, USA)
Agoraphobic Nosebleed - "White on White Crime" (MA, USA)
Mumakil - "State of War" (Switzerland)
Abysmal Dawn - "Programmed to Consume" (CA, USA)
Winds of Plague - "Our Requiem" (CA, USA)
Gojira - "Backbone" (France)

Metal Heath -- Hard

2009-09-10T13:26:00.007-04:00

Disc 1:

Mastodon - "Oblivion" (2009 - GA, USA)
Abstract Rapture - "Democadencia" (2008 - Luxembourg)
Callenish Circle - "Ignorant" (2005 - Netherlands)
DevilDriver - "Bitter Pill" (2009 - CA, USA)
Insomnium - "Mortal Share" (2006 - Finland)
Scar Symmetry - "Artificial Sun Projection" (2008 - Sweden)
DÅÅTH - "Day of Endless Light" (2009 - GA, USA)
Toxic Holocaust - "Future Shock" (2008 - OR, USA)
Soilwork - "Follow the Hollow" (2002 - Sweden)
Drone - "Boneless" (2009 - Germany)
Rumpelstiltskin Grinder - "Nothing Defeats the Skull" (2009 - PA, USA)
Breaking Wheel - "Shoulder to the Plow" (2008 - MA, USA)
All Shall Perish - "Wage Slaves" (2006 - CA, USA)
Destroy Destroy Destroy - "Realm of Ancient Shadows" (2009 - TN, USA)
Bloodsimple. - "Path to Prevail" (2005 - NY, USA)
Chimaira - "Pure Hatred" (2003 - OH, USA)
The Agonist - "Birds Elope with the Sun" (2009 - Canada)
Strapping Young Lad - "Anti-Product" (2006 - Canada)
Abandoned - "Breed Machine" (2007 - Germany)

Disc 2:

Shadows Fall - "The Light that Blinds" (2005 - MA, USA)
Shades of Dusk - "A Dreadful Melody"(2002 - CA, USA)
Flatline - "Generations Fall" (2009 - CA, USA)
Amon Amarth - "Twilight of the Thunder God" (2008 - Sweden)
Killswitch Engage - "A Bid Farewell" (2004 - MA, USA)
Slayer - "Raining Blood" (1986 - CA, USA)
All That Remains - "The Air That I Breathe" (2006 - MA, USA)
Warbringer - "Living in a Whirlwind" (2009 - CA, USA)
Diecast - "Internal Revolution" (2006 - MA, USA)
Children of Bodom - "Living Dead Beat" (2005 - Finland)
Death - "Spirit Crusher" (1998 - FL, USA)
Lamb of God - "Laid to Rest" (2004 - VA, USA)
Pantera - "Drag the Waters" (1995 - TX, USA)
Hexen - "Gas Chamber" (2008 - CA, USA)
In Flames - "Crawl Through Knives" (2006 - Sweden)
Protest the Hero - "Sequoia Throne" (2008 - Canada)
War From a Harlot's Mouth - "Crooks at Your Door" (2009 - Germany)
Swashbuckle - "Cruise Ship Terror" (2009 - NJ, USA)

Metal Heath -- Medium

2009-09-10T13:16:00.006-04:00

Disc 1:

Metallica - "Battery" (1986 - CA, USA)
Avenged Sevenfold - "Unholy Confessions" (2003 - CA, USA)
Iron Maiden - "The Evil that Men Do" (1988 - England)
Static-X - "Dirthouse" (2005 - CA, USA)
Five Finger Death Punch - "Hate Me" (2008 - CA, USA)
Dream Evil - "Bad Dreams" (2003 - Sweden)
Dragonforce - "Fury of the Storm" (2004 - England)
Soulfly - "Pain" (2000 - Brazil)
Nonpoint - "Alive and Kicking" (2005 - FL, USA)
Municipal Waste - "Sadistic Magician" (2007 - VA, USA)
Mushroomhead - "Simple Survival" (2006 - OH, USA)
Early Man - "Like a Goddamn Rat" (2005 - NY, USA)
Testament - "Souls of Black" (1990 - CA, USA)
Spineshank - "New Disease" (2001 - CA, USA)
American Head Charge - "Loyalty" (2005 - MN, USA)
Amorphis - "Two Moons" (2006 - Finland)
Ill Niño - "How Can I Live?" (2003 - NJ, USA)
Black Sabbath - "Paranoid" (1970 - England)
Edguy - "Rocket Ride" (2006 - Germany)
Atreyu - "Right Side of the Bed" (2004 - CA, USA)
Stone Sour - "Orchids" (2002 - IA, USA)

Disc 2:

Machine Head - "Bite the Bullet" (2003 - CA, USA)
Megadeth - "Symphony of Destruction" (1993 - CA, USA)
Staind - "Paper Jesus" (2005 - MA, USA)
Soil - "Halo" (2001 - IL, USA)
Anthrax - "Crush" (1998 - NY, USA)
Stereomud - "Pain" (2001 - NY, USA)
HammerFall - "Back to Black" (1998 - Sweden)
Dry Kill Logic - "As Thick as Thieves" (2004 - NY, USA)
White Zombie - "Thunder Kiss '65" (1992 - NY, USA)
Disturbed - "Guarded" (2005 - IL, USA)
Judas Priest - "Breaking the Law" (1980 - England)
Demons & Wizards - "Lunar Lament" (2005 - Germany/USA)
Red Fang - "Night Destroyer" (2009 - OR, USA)
Sanctity - "Beneath the Machine" (2007 - NC, USA)
Straight Line Stitch - "What You Do to Me" (2008 - TN, USA)
Goatsnake - "Prayer for a Dying" (2000 - CA, USA)
Rammstein - "Du Hast" (1997 - Germany)
Slipknot - "Psychosocial" (2008 - IL, USA)

Metal Heath -- Easy

2009-09-10T13:07:00.006-04:00

Disc 1:

Twisted Sister - "We're Not Gonna Take It" (1984 - NY, USA)
Wolfmother - "The Joker & the Thief" (2006 - Australia)
Queen - "Another One Bites the Dust" (1980 - England)
Graveyard - "Don't Take Us for Fools" (2007 - Sweden)
The Sword - "How Heavy This Axe" (2008 - TX, USA)
Poison - "Unskinny Bop" (1990 - PA, USA)
White Wizzard - "High Speed GTO" (2009 - CA, USA)
Quiet Riot - "Bang Your Head (Metal Health)" (1983 - CA, USA)
Def Leppard - "Rock of Ages" (1983 - England)
Five.Bolt.Main - "The Gift" (2005 - KY, USA)
Rob Zombie - "Dragula" (1998 - MA, USA)
AC/DC - "Moneytalks" (1990 - Australia)
Limp Bizkit - "Nookie" (1999 - FL, USA)
Lynam - "Slave to the Machine" (2006 - AL, USA)
Cinderella - "Gypsy Road" (1988 - PA, USA)
Alice Cooper - "School's Out" (1972 - MI, USA)
Witch - "Seer" (2006 - VT, USA)
Metalium - "Straight into Hell" (2007 - Germany)
The Smashing Pumpkins - "Cherub Rock" (1993 - IL, USA)

Disc 2:

Godsmack - "Keep Away" (1999 - MA, USA)
Warrant - "Cherry Pie" (1990 - CA, USA)
Witchcraft - "Walk Between the Lines" (2007 - Sweden)
Slaughter - "Up All Night" (1990 - NV, USA)
Blue Cheer - "Summertime Blues" (1968 - CA, USA)
Powerman 5000 - "When Worlds Collide" (1999 - MA, USA)
KISS - "Detroit Rock City" (1976 - NY, USA)
Anarchy Club - "Collide" (2007 - MA, USA)
Marilyn Manson - "The Nobodies" (2001 - OH, USA)
System of a Down - "Chop Suey!" (2001 - CA, USA)
Thin Lizzy - "Jailbreak" (1976 - Ireland)
Mötley Crüe - "Kickstart My Heart" (1989 - CA, USA)
Andrew W.K. - "She is Beautiful" (2002 - CA, USA)
Sevendust - "Denial" (1999 - GA, USA)
Ozzy Osbourne - "Mr. Crowley" (1980 - England)
Korn - "Freak on a Leash" (1999 - CA, USA)
Sasquatch - "Dragonfly" (2004 - MI, USA)
Danzig - "Mother" (1988 - NJ, USA)
Guns N' Roses - "Welcome to the Jungle" (1987 - CA, USA)

Metal Heath -- Prerequisites

2009-09-10T12:35:00.006-04:00

Disc 1:

Eagles - "Heartache Tonight" (1976 - CA, USA)
Bad Company - "Bad Company" (1974 - England)
Bob Dylan - "The Times They are a-Changin' " (1964 - MN, USA)
Chuck Berry - "Johnny B. Goode" (1958 - MO, USA)
The Beatles - "Hello Goodbye" (1967 - England)
Nirvana - "Smells Like Teen Spirit" (1991 - WA, USA)
The Who - "Baba O'Riley" (1971 - England)
Cream - "Crossroads" (1968 - England)
Styx - "Renegade" (1978 - IL, USA)
The Jimi Hendrix Experience - "All Along the Watchtower" (1968 - WA, USA/England)
Ramones - "I Wanna Be Sedated" (1979 - NY, USA)
Pearl Jam - "Alive" (1991 - WA, USA)
Lynyrd Skynyrd - "That Smell" (1977 - FL, USA)
The Platters - "Only You (And You Alone)" (1954 - CA, USA)
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - "Runnin' Down a Dream" (1989 - FL, USA)
Dropkick Murphys - "I'm Shipping Up to Boston" (2005 - MA, USA)
The Outfield - "Your Love" (1986 - England)
Tool - "Prison Sex" (1993 - CA, USA)
"Pachelbel's Canon (Canon in D Major)" (~1680 - Germany)

Disc 2:

Johnny Cash - "Folsom Prison Blues" (1955 - AR, USA)
Misfits - "Die, Die My Darling" (1984 - NJ, USA)
Tears for Fears - "Head Over Heels" (1985 - England)
The Mama's & the Papa's - "California Dreamin' " (1965 - NY, USA)
Boston - "More than a Feeling" (1976 - MA, USA)
Soundgarden - "Rusty Cage" (1992 - WA, USA)
Aerosmith - "Eat the Rich" (1993 - MA, USA)
Alice in Chains - "No Excuses" (1993 - WA, USA)
Beach Boys - "Good Vibrations" (1966 - CA, USA)
The Doobie Brothers - "Jesus is Just Alright" (1972 - CA, USA)
Beethoven's "Symphony No. 5 in C minor (Op. 67)" (1808 - Germany)
Led Zeppelin - "Communication Breakdown" (1969 - England)
Jefferson Airplane - "White Rabbit" (1967 - CA, USA)
Mozart's "Overture to the Marriage of Figaro" (1786 - Austria)
Foreigner - "Juke Box Hero" (1981 - NY, USA)
B.B. King - "The Thrill is Gone" (1970 - MS, USA)
Genesis - "That's All" (1983 - England)
Journey - "Don't Stop Believing" (1981 - CA, USA)
Elvis Presley - "Jailhouse Rock" (1957 - MS, USA)
Sex Pistols - "Anarchy in the U.K." (1976 - England)

Improve your Metal Health

2009-09-10T10:18:00.011-04:00

So, I've been listening to metal for years, and I can understand why it might be an acquired taste -- however, it's always just felt kinda hardwired into my brain. Back in college, one of my roommates (JMills) was also a fairly serious metal-head. One of our other roommates, Brian, is a pretty mild mannered guy, and generally into lots of mainstream music and Christian rock -- certainly not a metal guy (Linkin Park is amongst his "Angry Music" iTunes playlist).

Well, during our senior year; between either JMills or I regularly blaring some sort of metal for half the campus to hear and late night bouts of Rock Band, Brian became intrigued. He would start asking about the bands we were listening to, or we'd catch him humming the tune of "Run to the Hills" while brushing his teeth, or something. One day, he mentioned to me that he was "starting to get into metal" but some of it he just couldn't handle.

For the last months of senior year, I attempted the immersion technique with him. We listened to metal constantly. When we drove anywhere, we were listening to metal. When he drove anywhere, we made him listen to metal. Lazy Saturday afternoons, studying for finals -- blasted metal. I think it helped a little, but we had only scratched the surface.

After graduating and starting work, I had some time to think about this. I realized that I didn't jump straight into insane, ear-splitting guitar solos or guttural growls. Actually, up through the age of 10 or so, my favorite bands were Matchbox 20 and Hootie and the Blowfish (don't judge me -- fuck you!). And as damning as it may be for a metal-head to admit, what many people call "nu-metal" (specifically Korn) was the music that got me started down my own, personal highway to Hell. From there, I fell in love with classic rock/metal, then death, thrash and every other debatable genre in between.

Several months ago, I came up with the idea to create an ultimate heavy metal primer. It would be a several CD set with the intent to slowly ease someone into digging metal. I realized it might be a fruitless task, as it took me years of listening to hours upon hours of different types of metal to get me to the eclectic place I'm at today. However, I'd kinda been craving a mini project to work on at home. So I began scouring my music collection for a broad range of metal tracks. I decided to split the selections up into groups by ease of n00b-listenability, potential radio-friendliness and intensity.

I came up with four fairly distinct sections (categorized in the vein of GH/Rock Band difficulty settings): Easy, Medium, Hard and Expert comprised of tracks spanning the metal scene (as well as the globe). I've also mused that each category could be seen as a year of college -- Metal College! (yes, I know I'm lame). Each segment is spread across two discs, like semester classes, 101-402. Additionally, I added a two-disc Prerequisites set that is filled with an assortment of the types of things that most assuredly influenced metal (classic rock, punk, ska, blues, classical, country/southern rock, doo-wop, rockabilly, etc.).

After much deliberation, I have compiled ten discs worth of material, and gave them to Brian as a trial run. I asked him to listen to each disc twice through and in order, from Prerequisites to Expert. He reports that he's currently on the Medium set, and that it makes him speed in traffic. This warmed my heart. I can't wait for him to get to Hard (my personal favorite).

I'll be uploading the tracklists over the next several posts. I would love some feedback on them. Tell me what to add, omit, or rearrange. All suggestions welcome. If Brian is successful and I get some good feedback through this blog, I may try this on some other people.

"Bang your head!
Metal health will drive you mad."

Giant Black Beach Balls of Doom

2009-01-21T13:20:00.010-05:00

Several months ago, me and some of my friends discovered that Metallica was going to be playing in Boston in January. The cheapest tickets turned out to be $75 (after fees/taxes), with the next step up being around $90. While $75 seemed overpriced, two of my friends had never seen Metallica live, and it had been 5-6 years since my other friend and I had gone to a show of theirs, and since they were touring with The Sword and Machine Head, we decided to bite the bullet and grab some tickets.

On the morning the tickets became available, I was sitting on Ticketmaster's website waiting for 10am. I continuously refreshed the page, until... voila! 4 tickets, best available, $75. What the hell? They're in the nosebleeds? Fine, whatever... don't want to risk getting anything worse. Bought. (Sunday, Jan. 18th: TD Banknorth Garden, Boston -- Metallica w/ Machine Head and The Sword.)

So, this Sunday was the day. However, much like was the case on New Year's eve (minus the friend puking on the floor of Hynes Convention Center); Mother Nature fucked us again. I woke up to maybe 4 inches of snow (at my mother's in NH, where I was visiting). The plan was to meet at noon, then drive to my apartment and there, meet up with Puglia, who was to be driving up from NY.

So, we met at a little past noon, gassed up, then Andy and Pat followed me to my apartment. It took nearly two and a half hours to traverse through lots of snow, terrible road conditions and even a backwards facing, spun-out car in our lane, but we made it. Pat was insistent on watching the Eagles' playoff game (he nearly refused to go to the concert, in order to watch the game in its entirety -- but after calling him many foul names, and agreeing to listen to the end of the game in the car on the way to Boston, he caved... which didn't really matter since they lost anyway). Around 4, Puglia showed up, and we procrastinated/watched the game for a while, then headed out around 5:30.

The drive into town wasn't all that bad, despite the fact that Andy's GPS decided to avoid all highways (without him turning on the option to do so), which made for an interesting back road trek into the city. But we got there, paid for parking, and trudged through the snow to the Garden (don't shoot me... I know it's not the real one. But I feel like an ass continually spelling out The TD Banknorth Garden -- so fuck off).

Enter the building, get frisked, climb several escalators, plus several sets of stairs (this is somewhat foreboding). Then we're finally at our section on the balcony. Then we climb all the way to the top, save for 2 rows. From our seats, the people on the floor (aka: MetClub or whatever/expensive seats/VIPs/I dunno) looked like large ants.

The Sword took the stage around 7:15. Sound was pretty terrible (but this has generally been my experience at the Garden). They band sounded tight, but their sound system wasn't capable of projecting clarity all the way to us. Also, directly behind were a group of Russians, or Ukrainians, or Czechs... or something. They were speaking some kinda of Slovak, incessantly, at a ridiculous volume. So, they tended to drown out the band. Not wanting to get into a fight, I kept my mouth shut.

Machine Head was next in the lineup. Their sound was a little better (I could somewhat hear the vocals, as opposed to with The Sword), but still sub-par. Again, the band itself seemed like they were doing great. But it was somewhat lost on us do to poor sound engineering.

While waiting for Metallica to take the stage, some dude in the next section was passed out in his seat, when security came up to him, and dragged him out. It took me a couple of minutes to realize that the people next to him had gone to complain. Apparently he had puked all over the floor, himself, and his seat (which wasn't even the one he paid for -- as some other unlucky concertgoers would soon discover). So, that was fun to smell for the rest of the night...

Finally, Metallica came on. The sound was much better, and I could clearly hear and understand the vocals, which I assume were coming from James Hetfield, although it was hard to tell with he and the rest of the band looking about the size of malnourished gerbils.

They played several songs off of Death Magnetic, but focused more on their classics (and thankfully avoided St. Anger material all together). They finished their nearly two-hour long set (full of lasers, fire, and giant suspended coffins) with "Seek and Destroy." For this song, Hetfield had the arena's house lights turned on, so he could see all of the "Metallica family." As soon as the song kicked in, over-sized beach balls began to fall from the ceiling. They were all black save for a silver Metallica logo, and the words "Death Magnetic". It was a pretty intense experience. For one, I adore the song, and I also love it when a band gets the crowd involved and actually makes it appear that they give a damn about them.

So, the show was pretty good. I wish the sound quality had been better for The Sword and Machine Head, and that the Slovaks hadn't talked through their sets as well, but it was still fun. However, that's more than I can say for the drive home... it had apparently started snowing again during the show... so it took us well over an hour to get out of the city and back to my apartment.

"We're scanning the scene,
in the city tonight
We're looking for you,
to start up a fight.
There's an evil feeling,
in our brains.
But it's nothing new,
you know it drives us insane."

Winter Wasteland (and XMas insanity)

2008-12-12T09:49:00.010-05:00

Today I read an article explaining meteorologists' fear that Russia will never again see a "true Russian winter." There has, reportedly been a drastic lack of snow and the warmest temperatures in 100-plus years. Whether this is either a dangerous piece of evidence for global warming, or simply part of a cycling climate, I, speaking on the behalf of all New Englanders, graciously offer you the gift of our merciless winters. Seriously, they're all yours. Come n' get 'em.

I went to bed last night in the midst of pouring rain outside, and awoke this morning to lots of standing water. With temperatures here, hovering just above freezing, the drive to work was done so very cautiously. Apparently, in New Hampshire (where I will have to be traveling shortly), there is plenty of ice build up, and several hundred thousand homes without electricity. Best of all, they're predicting yet colder temperatures this weekend.

I am pleasantly surprised at the present lack of snow this year. However, usually (as is the case this year) when there's little snow in New England, it's made up for with lots of ice and cold temperatures. Guess this is one of those winters. So, really... Russia... we can't offer you snow (maybe Vermont can), but I will certainly give you all of our ice and low temperatures. I really need to work on the moving to Arizona thing.

Now, to something somewhat, not necessarily completely different: PZ Myers of Pharyngula has been following an ongoing story at the Washington State capitol building. The lobby of the building has traditionally featured a decorative nativity scene. This year, the Freedom From Religion Foundation put up a sign, opposite the nativity scene which promoted atheist and humanist sentiments and made quite the jab at religion (showing that atheists have finally started growing some balls).

Religious nuts across the country have been up in arms over this. It even got Bill O'Reilly's yonic jowels flapping. Since then, several Christian groups began to put up their own signs mocking atheism, then at one point the atheist sign was stolen, then returned, then another random group installed a Festivus pole...

**interruption for work-related semi-catastrophe... i.e: new employee may have deleted a bunch of desired information, had mild panic attack, was reassured by boss that he would not be hanged, and that the data was not all that necessary, followed by continued panic attack**

... now, the Westboro Baptist Church (infamous, vile hate mongers) have put up their own sign. Usually nothing this group has done strikes me as any less than completely deplorable. However this new stunt made me physically stifle my laughter, as to not draw strange looks from my coworkers. It reads:

"You'd better watch out, get ready to cry, You'd better go hide, I'm telling you why 'cuz Santa Claus will take you to hell. He is your favorite idol, you worship at his feet, but when you stand before your God He won't help you take the heat. So get this fact straight: you're feeling God's hate, Santa's to blame for the economy's fate, Santa Claus will take you to hell."

Oh, that was just magical. I feel all giddy. How upset these people get when an imaginary being threatens the "sanctity" of their beloved imaginary being. I share Myers' viewpoint that the capitol should disallow the displaying of any of these decorations, remain purely secular, and keep out of the argument all together. Separation of church and state, people!

Do I hate XMas? No, I do find it pretty foolish though (all the religious wackaloonism, that is -- not the giving to friends and family, I like that part) and the weather is not helping me any feel less Scroogey. Bah, humbug!

"If it keeps on rainin', levee's going to break,
If it keeps on rainin', levee's going to break,
When the levee breaks I'll have no place to stay
...
Cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
Now, cryin' won't help you, prayin' won't do you no good,
When the levee breaks, mama, you got to move."

I'm always behind

2008-11-06T10:30:00.002-05:00

This post is coming 36 hours or so late. But wow! Holy hell! On Tuesday night, sometime around 11pm it was decided that Barack Obama had won the election for President of the United States. This marked a huge historical point in American history. Hopefully he will live up to at least some of the hype.

Had it not been for the last two months of the campaign, I would feel a little sorry for John McCain. This was pretty much his last shot for the position. However, his nomination of Sarah Palin killed my opinion of him, not to mention the next several weeks of attack ads and slander. Around 11:30pm(?), McCain gave a very dignified and gracious concession speech. THAT was the John McCain I used to respect. The strong, level-headed war veteran. It is too bad that he felt he had to resort to gimmicks and slanderous/libelous tactics in order to win.

I am truly thankful, however, that the awful Sarah Palin is out of the picture. Hopefully enough people will have forgotten about her by 2012 (and that the Mayans haven't blown up the world) that she becomes ineffectual.

"Lump lingered last in line for brains
And the ones she got were sort of rotten and insane
Small thing's so sad that birds could land
Is Lump fast asleep or rocking out with the band?

She’s lump, she's lump
She’s in my head
She’s lump, she's lump, she's lump
She might be dead"

Daring to be political

2008-11-04T11:28:00.004-05:00

I voted this morning! That equals one more vote for Obama/Biden. If you disagree with my choice, fine. However, I feel fully satisfied in my decision. (I also voted "No" on Question 1, and "Yes" on 2 & 3. For my fellow Massholes out there, you should know these. If not, look them up.)

While I will not say that Obama is perfect, nor do I agree with each of his positions [long parenthesis](namely the opposition to recognizing homosexual civil unions as "marriage" -- not that it affects me, but two consenting adults should be free to marry whomever they please -- as well as his insistence on his Xian faith -- I would love an independent, secular candidate for once, but that won't happen any time in the near future)[/long parenthesis], I believe that he is the FAR lesser of two evils.

Obama/Biden stand for everything that McCain/Palin do not: science, research, education, progressive thought. These are the number one issues for me in this election.

Sarah Palin has mocked science research (poo-pooing research done on fruit flies), and has pushed her Xian values way too much for my tastes. SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!* Seriously. We are in the 21st century. We should not still be following some outdated superstition from the Bronze Age. Science is where the future lies, as well as the truth.

Our nation, the good ole' US of A, used to be ranked #1 in physics and science in the world. Now, we are slipping behind Europe. What do these conservative right wingers think will happen to the economy if we don't stay up to date, better yet -- ahead of the curve, on current scientific advancements and research?

Additionally, Obama pretty much emanates the same view as I have about the Iraq war. Yes, we needed to retaliate for 9/11, but we needed to do so in Afghanistan, not Iraq. Hussein was evil, fine. But we could have taken him out later, tactically, or something. Now we need to look at how we're going to get out of Iraq.

As far as the economy goes, I don't feel that Obama's middle-class tax cuts/lack of increase are the solution to the problem. But, they're a hell of a lot better than tax cuts for the top 1% (not a biker reference). Since most of the people in this country make less than $250,000/year, I think this will benefit a lot of people.

* As evidence of how much this fact affects people's decisions -- my Dad and Step-Mom have been staunch Republicans for as long as I can recall. They have supported BU*ll*SH*it* through his mess of a presidency, but they are so frightened by Palin's Bibbel thumping and anti thought nonsense that they have decided to vote for Obama.

I truly feel that McCain has shot himself in the foot with his nomination of Palin. I only hope that enough other Republicans will be so offput by her, that they also vote Obama/Biden.

So, hopefully by late this evening, we will have learned just how much, if any, the American people were able to redeem my hope/faith/contentment with citizenship in this country.

"It's poetry in motion
And now she's making love to me
The spheres are in commotion
The elements in harmony
She blinded me with science
She blinded me with science
And hit me with technology"

I feel old.

2008-10-28T14:13:00.002-04:00

Last Thursday I had grand plans of posting in celebration of my blog's first anniversary, however... apparently it's flu season. It hit me damn hard, I was in bed all that day see-sawing between fits of shivering and sweating, the whole time with phlegm-clogged lungs. Five days later, I'm still coughing some, but it's pretty well gone -- and I've regained a little ambition.

On the up side, today I turned 22! Oh boy! 22 is quite the insignificant age. No milestones reached, no new abilities, just the first birthday I have actually wished I was younger. I read a posting from someone on the interwebs saying that they thought they were having a midlife crisis at 30. Well, I feel like I'm having one now. Hopefully, it doesn't mean them I'm gonna be offed at 44, but who knows. I just know I kinda feel like I'm stuck in a rut (mentally, and emotionally). I'm seeing my peers dating, marrying, having kids (not that I want the latter two yet), and generally setting up a fulfilled life for themselves -- and I wonder what I've got to look forward to.

I don't know. I guess I'm just moping, so take it with a grain of salt. But I worry that if things don't start to change, something's gonna snap.

Meh, Halloween should be good at least (albeit hectic) -- heading to Salem to experience the throngs of freaks, ghouls, and the ever-present protesting pentacosts. It's also looking more and more like I'm going to have quite the full apartment that night, as people keep asking if they can crash at my place. This should be interesting.

"I'll run in the rain till I'm breathless
When I'm breathless I'll run till I drop
The thoughts of a fool's kind've careless
I'm just a fool waiting on the wrong block"

WTF?

2008-10-21T16:00:00.009-04:00

Hell no! I just found out today that the FX series The Riches has been cancelled. What the deuce?! This really makes me mad. I was truly loving this show, and had finally caught up via reruns online... and now FX has the gall to cancel it.

Bah! If it weren't for Sons of Anarchy I would boycott the entire damn network. This really shouldn't upset a normal person this much, but since I have become TV's bitch -- due to few friends in close proximity plus a dearth of women -- this is truly troubling news. Is anybody else feeling slighted by this? Is anyone even actually reading this blog?

"Money it's a crime
Share it fairly but don't take a slice of my pie
Money so they say
Is the root of all evil today
But if you ask for a rise it's no surprise that they're
giving none away"

Pastor of Muppets

2008-10-21T13:06:00.013-04:00

OK... finally, here it is. More than a month overdue, this is my review of Metallica's Death Magnetic. It has been over five years since the release of the steaming pile of shit that was St. Anger (not necessarily bad music -- but was a pathetically weak attempt from the likes of Metallica). Now, the band (James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich, Kirk Hammett, and Robert Trujillo) are back with some newly rediscovered intensity and depth that have been absent from their music for as much as fifteen years.

The album is by no means perfect, but it pretty much redeems the band for St. Anger (but maybe not for Napster). Death Magnetic at times, hearkens back to Kill 'em All with its speed and ferocity, the catchiness/headbanging-worthiness is reminiscent of Master of Puppets, while the length and intricacy of certain tracks almost channels ...And Justice for All.

At first listen, I anticipated the worst. After the awesome opening track, That Was Just Your Life finished, I was sure the next song would be a shit-fest. But it wasn't, nor was the next, or the next. Song after song, I was surprised by how much I didn't hate them, and many that I even fucking loved!

Instrumentation on Death Magnetic is of a much higher caliber than Metallica has been exhibiting for some time. Apparently Ulrich remembered how to play the drums, and Hammett was reintroduced to the guitar solo. Additionally, Trujillo's noteable bass skill is allowed to shine, and really gives the album a nice feel. Unfortunately, Hetfield's voice is the weakest point of the album. I understand that he's getting old, and growling and the tops of your lungs will eventually tire your vocal chords out, but it is still sad to hear him lose his unique snarling tone.

The production quality of St. Anger sounded as if it were recorded inside a steel shipping crate, whereas Death Magnetic is much clearer, however the volume is cranked way too high. Now, I love loud music. But certain elements of the music are lost when it is recorded at too high of a volume I have heard it described as being "overproduced." I wouldn't consider myself a true audiophile, but I listen to enough music that I would say that the term kinda sums it up. St. Anger sounded as if you were listening to a garage band comprised of 15-16 year olds jamming on broken instruments. But Death Magnetic sounds as if they cranked their amps to 11, and the recording threshold was, at best, a 9.

Luckily, this dilemma is somewhat circumventable. The version of the album that was produced to be used in Guitar Hero 3 does not feature the over-the-top volume. And thus, many enjoyable qualities of the album shine through. Metallica's label really shot themselves in the foot with this. The album is really good, but one needs to somehow "acquire" the GH3 version to truly appreciate all the hard work and creativity that I'm sure went into making it. It would be nice if there were a re-pressing of the disc, or a legal way for those who actually bought the album (like myself) to receive the improved version.

This album is definitely worth a listen, and I'd say worth the $10 that I paid for it at Best Buy. But if you get the chance to listen to the GH3 version, you will probably be much happier (however, you shouldn't actually buy GH3 because the franchise has become a fucking ugly mess since its departure from the hands and minds of Harmonix -- go with Rock Band 2!!)

Notable tracks: That Was Just Your Life, All Nightmare Long, The Unforgiven III, and The Day That Never Comes.

"How can I be lost, if I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold, how come its got so cold?
How can I be lost? In remembrance I relive.
And how can I blame you, when it's me I can't forgive?"

Supplemental

2008-09-18T09:09:00.010-04:00

I've been procrastinating on creating a new post until I reviewed the new Metallica album. But I want to do it right, and it will take some time (which I just don't have, currently -- they actually have me doing work). So, in the meantime, I'll post some pictures from last Sunday. My buddy, Brian and I went down to the Grand Opening of the Newbury Comics in Norwood. Bang Camaro was slated to play at 3pm. This band's got a special place in my heart, and they rock pretty hard too. So, we decided it was an event that shouldn't be missed.
The pictures aren't superb quality (taken with my cell phone), but they show just how 'up-close and personal' the whole set up was. Now, I've listened to Bang Camaro for some time now, but had never seem them live. I was pretty blown away. The man-choir I had known provided the vocals was pretty hilarious to see live. In totality, there's 14 of them (according to Wikipedia), but maybe 7 or 8 were in attendance (I guess this is how many they tour with). Granted, the stage was pretty small. But, for playing for a crowd of maybe 50, the band put on a hell of a show. The guitars were tight (the solos sounded amazing in person), the drumming was intense. And the band made the audience feel like they were part of the show.

It was awesome. During the last song (Push Push Lady Lightning) the "lead" singer (kinda... I guess he's just the most outgoing guy who happens to stand in the middle) jumped off the stage and began walking through the crowd. Anyone that looked like they knew the words, had a microphone thrust in their direction to wail along with the band. As the song was coming to an end, this dude walks over to me, and puts me in like a half headlock. I was laughing and singing along, it was great.
I'm so glad that this band has finally started to "make it." They have a unique and interesting stage performance. This coincides with a fun, while also heavy and badass, classic metal sound to make a truly remarkable experience. I hope to see them go far, they deserve it.

"Hell bent, hell bent for liquor,
Wine's fine but whiskey's quicker,
Swallow the razor.
Hell bent, hell bent for liquor,
I chop my breakfast on a mirror,
Swallow the razor."

Huzzah!

2008-09-10T12:00:00.004-04:00

Hooray! I moved into a new "office"(cubical) today. Away from the human garbage disposal. I'm back to the room that I started in. But now, the carpet is all new, and so are all the cube walls. It will be great once the lady next to me stops whining about not being able to adjust her chair.

"Don't wanna be an American idiot.
One nation controlled by the media.
Information nation of hysteria.
It's calling out to idiot America."

Duh!!

2008-09-09T22:57:00.005-04:00

Well, fuck... I'm retarded. I've been promising for days that I was going to pick up Metallica's "Death Magnetic" today. Well, apparently every time I read on Amazon, that it was being released on the 12th, I just assumed it was this Tuesday (aka today). Well... no. It's Friday. What the fuck?! It only seemed logical that it would have been released today, since basically every release (besides movies in theaters) comes out on TUESDAY! I'm thinking Metallica have just gotten senile in their old age and forgot what day to release their album on. OK... well, I still plan on picking up the CD (on Friday), and will hopefully have a review forthcoming early next week.

"You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You get what you need."

Coincidence? Or comedic marketing?

2008-09-09T16:14:00.010-04:00

The recent thunder storm and torrential downpour this afternoon made me recall a personally funny moment from this past weekend. My friends and I, while killing time before the mediocre-fest that was Bangkok Dangerous, stopped in to peruse the local Borders (the store, not of Canada... or Mexico). As Pat was checking out his purchase, I wandered towards the door.

Near the front of the store, there were some discounted/"classic" albums. I had to double-take when looking at the selection of titles for sale. On the left was "Purple Rain" by Prince, the middle was by some asshole I've never heard of, then to the right of that was Slayer's "Reign in Blood" (featuring the *should be* well known, "Raining Blood"). I still don't know if these were intentionally placed together (by some indie-kid employee who appreciates irony), or it was simply a fortunate coincidence. Regardless, I just had to chuckle at, not only the humor in the contrasting types of rain, but also the gap in genre as well as the album cover art.

Prince's 'rain' album is full of danceable pop-rock, laden with subtly effeminate vibes. The cover art depicts Prince sitting on a purple motorcycle, rocking an equally purple, frilly suit. In contrast, "Reign in Blood" is packed full of ear-bleeding, thrash metal, and its cover properly reflects this (Satan, pool of blood, pentagram, etc...).

Conclusion: while it might be more pleasant and prettier to be caught in a "Purple Rain" storm, it would certainly be far more badass and much less emasculating to be soaked by "Raining Blood."

"Raining blood
From a lacerated sky
Bleeding its horror
Creating my structure
Now I shall reign in blood!"

Just sayin'

2008-09-09T06:33:00.009-04:00

So, I was watching Weeds last night, and I decided that I was going to post on some thoughts that I've been having for some time. Normally, I don't find myself attracted to women much outside my own general age group (20-something), but recently I have been bombarded with impure thoughts about two ladies, both over 40.

Sadly, I foresee two counts of unrequited love. Both of these women are stars of popular comedic TV dramas. Therefore, I imagine that I have about as good of a chance with them, as Britney Spears has at getting rid of her extra chromosome.

First off, we have the lovely Mary-Louise Parker. Best known for her current role as Ganja-slinging housewife, Nancy Botwin. Being both beautiful and cunning, she's got a super sexy combo. Also, since Weeds airs on the Showtime network, we are privileged to a little more exposure of her stunning body (which at 44 years old is remarkable).

Next, is the incredible Lisa Edelstein. A Jewish born, Boston native, she currently plays the role of Dr. Lisa Cuddy in the Fox series House (another of my favorites). Since the first episode, I have been awed by this woman. Besides being gorgeous, her character is also incredibly smart and strong willed, which just adds another layer of fucking awesome.

Lisa is 41, but has the body of a woman at least 15 years younger. Throughout the previous 3 seasons of House, we are simply teased by her beauty. That was until the two-part season finale of this year. In the first part of the closing episode, Dr. House is experiencing flashbacks and hallucinations stemming from a bus accident. In one of these dillusions he imagines Dr. Cuddy performing a sultry striptease (and we're brought along for the show). If you haven't seen it, you will not be disappointed. This woman is in seriously great shape. Really... wow... what I would do... *ahem*, nevermind.

OK, so I hope this post hasn't sounded too 'pervy.' However, I felt that I needed to share with the world just how amazing/milf-tastic these two 'slightly-more-mature' women are. Also, this was the best thing I could think of to keep up with my blogging duties."

Stay tuned, though. Tonight I'm gonna pick up Metallica's new album (fingers crossed) and should have a review ready in the next couple of days.

"She's got legs, she knows how to use them.
She never begs, she knows how to choose them.
She's got a dime all of the time,
stays out at night movin' through time.
Oh, I want her, shit, I got to have her,
the girl is alright, she's alright."

Ride the Lightning

2008-09-04T11:09:00.013-04:00

So, The Jetsons lied to us all. Y2K came and went, and we still don't have flying cars. I'm pissed. But certain auto companies are beginning to embrace the future at least a little. We all know that with soaring fuel prices, Hybrid cars are gaining popularity. But, those vehicles still rely heavily on internal combustion. To significantly reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, we must make the switch over to vehicles that run entirely on alternative energy sources. Several auto companies have taken the leap. A few examples are Jeep's Renegade concept, and the Tesla Roadster.

Each of these vehicles will run entirely on electricity. They are also two of the best looking examples of alternative energy motor vehicles. Much nicer than some much bubblier concepts people have been coming up with.

Now, I only have an amateurish interest in the new technology (no professional training to support my opinions), but from what I understand, while these cars look sweet, the down-side is that they suffer from limited range. Once the vehicle's battery runs its charge out, it must then be recharged, which takes several hours. So, these cars would be great for short, planned trips, but they would not really be practical for cross-country or interstate travel.

This is where Hydrogen fuel cell powered cars would come in handy (as well as the fact that their only exhaust produces in the form of water). Currently, several auto companies are working on such models. But the only one I've really seen any publicity on is the Equinox SUV from Chevrolet.

Cars such as these could be driven long distances, and fueled up at Hydrogen filling stations. However, there are only 26 of these in the US (and 23 of which are in California). This country's government needs to get behind this movement, and back it like crazy. There is no question about it: we will run out of fossil fuels (not to mention the pollution they create). So, we need to begin production on a serious alternative. And this must be comparable in cost, otherwise too few people will be able to afford it.

OK, now I will get down off my soapbox. I basically wanted to say that I'm glad we're (as a society) starting to look more towards the future, even though it's still not enough. Also, I thought the Renegade looked pretty awesome -- that's really what sparked this post.

*Edit: so, after titling this post like I did, it reminded me -- Next week, Metallica's Death Magnetic comes out. Against my better judgment, I think I'm going to buy it... and I plan on reviewing it. Here's hoping that it's not another Saint Anger.

"Don't waste your time, embrace it
And then you'll know yourself
The change in you is goddamn electric."

Smell the Glove

2008-09-02T10:23:00.007-04:00

Here it is... my first official music review. In general, my album reviews will focus on metal/hard rock. However, I also enjoy a variety of other musical genres and reserve the right to review whatever the hell I feel like. So, yeah... I'm starting with a light one:

Austrian Death Machine is a side project by Tim Lambesis (vocalist for As I Lay Dying) which is a blatant parody of the well known action star, bodybuilder, and California's Republican Governor, Arnold Schwarzenegger. The album Total Brutal (2008) pokes fun at Schwarzenegger himself, his films, and over-the-top, "brutal" metal bands.

When I stumbled upon Total Brutal, I was skeptical for several reasons. First, while I like As I Lay Dying, I don't love them, especially since I'm fairly opposed to the "Christian Metal" scene (given that I'm staunchly anti-Christian, but I love metal. However, I can usually get past any musical references to Christianity, by simply interpreting the lyrics as I see fit). Secondly, quality parody/satyrical artists are few and far between (Dethklok, Spinal Tap, & Weird Al are about it in my book).

Despite my reservations, I went about listening to this album in its entirety. And I must say it was pretty good. It was no The Dethalbum, mind you... but decent in its own right. The story of the fictional group is that Arnie (Scwarzenegger) has joined forces with a super heavy, brutal metal band, providing secondary vocals for the album. In actuality, the entire record is performed by Lambesis (with possibly the exception of the Arnold's voice).

The music of Total Brutal is solid, and sounds pretty badass, while the vocals are loud, grunty and comically "brutal." The lyrics and song titles are primarily based upon well known Scwarzenegger quotes from his films. Some of the tracks are hit-or-miss, but most are both headbanging/thrashy, as well as hilariously nostalgic. Particularly, "Get to the Choppa," "I am a Cybernetic Organism, Living Tissue Over (Metal) Endoskeleton", and "Come With Me if You Want to Live."

My one major hang-up with this album is the Schwarzenegger impression. At some points it's not too bad, but usually it's pretty awful. Regardless, it's still funny, and definitely brought a smile to my face.

In closing, Austrian Death Machine's Total Brutal is probably not something I would listen to every day, nor is it some of the best metal out there. But it is certainly a must-hear for any metal heads who have a love/hate relationship with Schwarzenegger and his films.

"My mission prerogative is to see this through
I am a war machine
Killing people is part of me
I am a cybernetic organism
Living tissue over endoskeleton."

Und der Regen wird uns alle töten.

2008-08-29T11:14:00.006-04:00

In my previous post, as well as any past online journals I've kept, when there's been a long gap between postings, I make note of it. However, today I will not do that (even though it's plain to see that it's been a while).

So, all that crap aside... here I am. It's basically the end of August, which means it's the end of summer. Usually around this time of year I'm making plans to return to school and all that. Now, however I am done with school (at least for a while) and there's a strange feeling that goes along with knowing you are no longer doing the only really consistent thing you've done for eighteen years. But, the up side is that I am working. Yes, I have a job.

No, it's not with my internship site (sadly), but it's a job nonetheless. I work as a software developer for a large corporation in MA. The pay is great, the benefits are good, but it's just not really what I want to be doing (specifically). My only real complaints are that I'm pretty bored most of the time, and the work I do have does not interest me in the slightest. Along with that, the guy who sits in the cube to my left, drives me absolutely ape-shit! Thankfully, he's not in today. But normally he seems to eat all day long, and with his mouth open. So, all day I am subjected to "smack," "slorp," "glop," "nom, nom, nom." What the fuck? My mother taught me how to chew with my mouth closed before the age of 5. This dude is like 60... he has no excuse. And on top of that, every time he walks past my cube, he runs his fingernails along the outside wall (which is directly infront of me). AAH! Maybe I'm just being oversensitive, but it's really starting to wear on me.

Besides work, life is going alright I suppose. I am somewhat officially moved to MA, about a 20 minute drive from work (now I just need to become a resident, which is a personal nightmare of mine... but anyway, and find car insurance and the like). I live in a one bedroom apartment by myself in a pretty nice complex. It's called a "condo" but I disagree. Regardless as to what you call it, it's good.

I still travel home frequently to help my mom. Especially with all the construction being done on the house, I've become responsible for a good deal of work on the interior (staining, urethane-ing, etc). The other day, I took a midweek trip up to see my friend Jana. In high school she was an exchange student from Germany. Now she comes back to the States every so often to visit. This year, she'll be studying abroad in New Brunswick (that's Canada, btw) for a semester, so she stayed in NH for a week before heading north. So, I took a half-day from work and drove up to have dinner with her. We got Gelato and picked up my buddy Andy (he's had his own slew of shit to deal with lately: I may discuss that later), and went out to eat.

Every time I see this girl (and granted, it's been two years since I have gotten to) I instantly wish she didn't live in Germany. But "c'est la vie," she does. And I'm still here, essentially by myself. Andy has been chatting with some girls he's met either via Craigslist or some dating site or other, or who know's where. However, I'm not sure I'm ready to go down that road.

I feel a little that he thinks by quickly getting together with someone... anyone... he will instantly forget about his ex. To his credit, he was dealt a pretty awful situation. He and his girl were engaged to be married in June. Less than two months before the date, she decided she was done. Just up and left, she did. Three days later, she was fucking someone else. It turned out that she had been texting this guy, someone she worked with, for weeks behind Andy's back. Then he had to foot the bill. Some $300 or something in fucking texting charges.

Now, he's in quite the shitty position. He had foregone pursuing his education essentially because of her. Now, he works for a plumbing/electrical company making something around $13/hr. Now, I am most certainly not knocking plumbers (Andy is one of my dearest friends, and I respect him and what he does) but, I do truly believe that his intelligence and personality is wasted in this field. Regardless, his financial situation is currently prohibiting him from doing much else. He's even had to move back in with his parents (which I know is killing him).

(I use a lot of parentheses... and elipses... and, I guess commas... whatever)

So, Andy and I are in similar boats right now. Luckily my ex and I weren't engaged, but I can definitely relate to how he's feeling. However, I'm three+ years out, and am just now determined to meet someone. I'm not sure that I'm ready to take the plunge into online dating yet, but I feel like I'm getting closer every day. The old fashioned way just isn't seeming to be doing it.

Well, anyway... I am leaving soon for NH. I have two parties to attend this weekend, at each of my parents' houses. Saturday is for my step-brother-in-law, who is on leave from the Army in Iraq. Then, Sunday is for my graduation/my mom's house being rennovated/Andy's birthday. It should hopefully be a good time. Plus, Monday is Labor Day, which means a long weekend! Whoo!

*Afterthought* -- a buddy from high school has just started a blog where he reviews unseen and underrated movies. I have been thinking about trying to do some sort of review on my blog (so it doesn't seem so much like a diary), but for music. So, I've kind've gotten a kick in the ass to start this, so soon I am going to try to review metal albums. But we'll see how that goes.

"If you choose to take the black
Bid farewell to comforts great and small
Those who do, don't come back
Prepare yourself for life on the wall"

"Not all who wander are lost"

2008-04-11T16:17:00.007-04:00

So, it's been quite some time since my last post. Things have been extremely busy for me. My undergraduate thesis is coming due in just a few weeks. I am also scrambling to find a job (as my internship is currently only hiring senior level developers -- I have to look elsewhere). So far I only have a couple of leads. I have a few contacts at some military contractors in the area (spooky I know...), and at a software developer near home. But we shall see how that goes.

However, throughout all this mess, I have made some time for recreation. Over Spring Break, one of my roommates and I went on a cruise with some other friends from school to the Bahamas. It was awesome. I had never seen the Caribbean before, and that turquoise water took my breath away. While, the trip itself was quite expensive, the experience was priceless.

Then, the week after we got back, me and two friends drove up to New Hampshire to see DevilDriver, Napalm Death, 36 Crazyfists, and some more play at a little strip club. That was an incredible experience. Since it was such a little venue in, essentially, the middle of nowhere, there was a fairly small turnout. We were in the front row of the pit through most of the show. Then when DevilDriver came out, the bass player came over and gave me five. Then, during one of the last songs, Dez (lead singer) was grabbing people's hands as he sang, and he grabbed mine (in a totally HETERO way -- my friends have already made jokes) and was roaring right in my face. It was pretty intense. That was definitely the closest I've gotten to a fairly big name band during a show.

Next up, is Gigantour (Apr. 25th -- Worcester Palladium) featuring Megadeth, Children of Bodom, In Flames, High on Fire, and Job for a Cowboy. I cannot wait... maybe I'll get some front row exposure there too. However, it's more likely that I'll get trampled/crushed.

OK... well, I plan on trying to update this thing somewhat more frequently. Wish me luck with potential jobs, and whatnot... I'll need it.

"I want you to lead me
Take me somewhere
Don’t want to live in a dream one more day"

Happy Hell-o-week, er... Halloween!

2007-10-31T10:10:00.000-04:00

So here it is, Halloween, my favorite holiday. I should be super psyched, but I'm mostly just tired. This week has been hellish (and it's only Wednesday!). Aside from the normal aggravation of waking up at 6:30am five days a week, and writing 20 page lit reviews, I blame much of my exhaustion on the MBTA.

I find it difficult to think of a more convoluted and broken system than that of public transportation in/around Boston. I have been commuting from the North Shore to Boston every work day since early September, and I have already witnessed a plethora of screw-ups. I can't even begin to imagine what people who've been commuting for years must have been putting up with.

I realize that it is an extremely daunting task having to transport hundreds of thousands of people to/from/all around the city, but I would think that being such an important part of so many people's lives, there would be some higher quality management.

My daily commute begins with riding the Commuter Rail to North Station. This is usually not too bad, except for the large number of strange people that repeatedly insist on sitting next to me. From North Station, I take the Green Line to Park Street, where I transfer to the Red Line. Then in the evenings I repeat these steps exactly in reverse.

Usually, the commuting problems arise on the Green Line. For whatever reason, these trains ALWAYS seem to be running behind, and with varying degrees of ear piercing screechy-ness. This morning, the Heath St. train was arriving just as I was descending the escalator at North Station. Already running late, due to a commuter rail train that felt like stopping every ten minutes for no apparent reason, I was happy not to have to wait for the subway. Once on the Green Line, this train seemed to do exactly what my commuter rail had been doing. It took me nearly 20 minutes to get to Park St. (a trip that should, in reality, take five).

The trip home on the Green Line is also, usually a blast. Upon arriving at the Park St. stop, I normally wait at least ten minutes for a Green Line train that will get me to North Station. After three or four trains that only go as far as Government Center pass by, there is a huge crowd gathered waiting for a train will take them to Haymarket, North Station, Lechmere, etc.

So, on Monday, the normal giant mass of people finally tried to push themselves onto a Lechmere train. I found myself crushed in the middle of the train, between sets of doors, when a middle age woman (whose voice suggested that she'd been on narcotics since puberty) starts yelling at this guy for squeezing onto the train, after she's decided it was full. Granted, it was kinda tight, but I've seen it worse. She just didn't want to move any further in. Then, an older woman (late 60s?) forces her way in. This sends "Ole' Crackhead" into a tailspin. She screams at this woman "What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" Now, this old woman begins to vehemently (and drunkenly) defend her self at the top of her lungs. This quickly escalates into a shouting match full of profanity and obnoxious, half drunken, Boston-accent-laden threats and general stupidity. This, luckily, didn't escalate too much. Some bystanders started yelling back at them before I was pushed to bellowing my own two cents. When the train next stopped, I quickly pushed my way to the front, and away from the lunatics.

After this interesting ride home, silly me, thought that the worst was over. However, upon arriving at North Station on Tuesday morning, a woman was passing out fliers with "important information" regarding that night's evening commute. Luckily, I snagged one. I had completely forgotten about the Red Sox rally (as I've grown sick of the immature fascination over this team -- sure they're good, and I appreciate that, but seriously folks, it's just a game). Well, there were all these new procedures in place at the commuter rail stations, supposedly, to accommodate the ridiculous amounts of people entering and leaving the city.

When I got to work, I told my boss that I was going to leave around 2pm, in order to hopefully avoid the worst of the crowds (as, the flier told me that only trains after 3pm would be affected). So I would take the 2:20pm train out of North Station, and all would be good. Well, I arrived at North Station shortly after two (the subways were running particularly swift, except for the huge crowd I had to push through at Park St.), only to have one of Boston's "finest" tell me I wasn't allowed to go inside. I then realized that there was a growing mob of irritated people already gathered outside the doors. More cops appeared and told us that the lobby was full of people, and so were all the trains currently at the station. They would let us inside when the next trains came. Well, we waited outside for nearly 15 minutes. During which the cops had to tell probably 50 people the same story.

When they finally let us inside, I thought the worst was over. I saw trains stopped along the docks, and there were signs indicating which commuter rails to board. However, there were plenty of MBTA "officials" blocking would be passengers from leaving the station. It took another 45 minutes before I was on my train (which also apparently was only going as far as one stop from where I needed -- I had to call for a ride)! While waiting for this train we (all 500 or so of us) were subjected to the incessant repetitive pleas from the intercom lady to "Please be patient, trains are running late due to the large numbers of passengers." Plus there was a near fight amongst some drunken, meat-head Red Sox fans. A cop finally responded to this, and dragged one of these winners outside by his shirt collar.

Suffice to say, I'm not looking forward to the commute home tonight. With the Halloween festivities in Salem (of which me and my friends intend to enjoy) there will probably be delays and yet again, more aggravations. I'll be happy as long as I can get back to campus in time for dinner, and then get to go to Salem and run around drunken and costumed.

In closing, Happy Halloween! and screw you MBTA!

"Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
' 'Tis some visitor,' I muttered, 'tapping at my chamber door -
Only this, and nothing more.' "

Opening Credits

2007-10-23T09:36:00.001-04:00

Well, here goes nothing.

The beginning of this blog is somewhat of a turning point in my life (hopefully). Several years ago, I told myself that I would never again keep an online journal, or something of the like.

This came after a few years of random postings in DeadJournal then LiveJournal, mostly sobbing about a girl I once loved (and who I had thought loved me), and the drama that would eventually ensue. The pain of the ending of that era made me pull into a strange shell of depression and hatred. I decided that I was no longer going to keep a journal which only chronicled my downward spiral.

However, in the wake of all this pain, sadness and hate, there was growth. I feel that I have made a significant step from boyhood towards manhood. And I am also in a different emotional state then I was a year ago. So, I thought I'd try to put some thoughts to print once more.

I'm not sure I would call myself healed, but I definitely feel different. I no longer pine for that girl who once invaded every waking (and many non-waking) thoughts. But, I do miss that feeling of a connection. It's a different type of depression. The lonely feelings are now mixed with much anxiety about my future.

In May of next year, I will graduate from college. That still doesn't seem real to say. I remember in high school, time seemed to drag on so slowly. Now, I would give anything for things not to go so fast. I'm beginning to feel like I am running out of time, and at not quite 21 years old, that must sound foolish. But, these past, almost four years have not been much more than a blur.

Most days I find myself near panicked over the idea of what lies ahead. Was my education sufficient? Will I have a job? Will I ever be happy? These questions constantly plague me. The only person I really talk to about such things is my mother. She usually has solid advice but eventually tires of my complaining. She was born with Spina Bifida, and has had to deal with paraplegia and incontinence since she was eight. Therefore, my fears and sadness truly pale in comparison. If only this made me feel less sad and fearful. However, it simply adds a layer of shame to the already giant ball of emotions that I feel.

One of my biggest worries/concerns/fears is going out into the world as an adult, alone. When I was with the aforementioned girl, I was certain we'd graduate college, live together, and eventually marry. I had a plan. I was comfortable. But, now with that delusion since crumbled, I am left to face the prospect of living entirely on my own. I'm not sure if I can handle it. As much of an introvert as I have become, I still do not like the thought of being completely alone.

I guess the biggest problem is uncertainty. I am uncomfortable when I don't have a plan for what's ahead of me. And making a plan for the unknown is impossible. So, for now, I will have to go with the flow. I will have to learn to shut off parts of my brain that simply build anxiety and remember that things will probably work out.

Right now, I am interning at a video game development company (which is what I've wanted to do since I was five) in Boston. My school has a strong internship policy. For the first two years of school we have to partake in a month-long internship during our January break. Then, in our senior year, we intern at a company for the duration of the first semester. While there, we are also researching for our senior thesis, that is to be based upon our internship. Every two weeks we have classes to work on writing our Literature Review, and plan for next semester's thesis class.

I am pretty happy at my internship site. I am currently working for their Tech Art department. I would like to be doing some actual game design stuff, but I hope this is a good foot-in-the-door at least. Our department is responsible for bringing together what the coders do and what the artists do. Currently, we are working on a web portal-like program that will integrate many development tools, into one simple-to-use interface. The goal of the senior thesis is to "solve a problem" for our internship company. As a Computer Science major, this can also be done in the form of a project. For me, the project is going to be this web portal. Although, I am not doing a ton of the coding for it. I know most of the inner workings, and have been doing research on the topic of development process improvement.

Additionally, my boss said he was willing to keep my on (my current part-time status) with the company throughout December and January, to keep working on the project, and my thesis. This was great news, as I will be staying on campus for that time, and making some extra money (oh yeah, my internship pays!).

Before I sign off, I should probably explain the title of this blog. "Zihuatanejo." It was the name of the Mexican town where Andy, from The Shawshank Redemption, had Red meet him when he was finally released from prison (long after Andy had escaped). For me (and probably everyone who's seen the movie), this town signifies paradise. At this time in my life, I feel like I am searching for my own paradise. I want to be safe, secure, and comfortable. Much of the time, this search is frightening and anxious. But, sometimes I am really excited for the future. I look forward to a successful career, to meeting the love of my life, to having children and to truly being happy.

So, I will try to fight the dismay I feel all too often and try to focus on hope. Andy Dufresne wrote in his letter to Red, after his escape from Shawshank: "Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." I try to remember this as much as possible, and repeat it to myself like a mantra. From now on, this blog, for all intents and purposes, will contain less drunken-sailor memories, and focus on current events and overall thoughts on life. We'll see how it goes.

"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend, and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope."